April 25, 2003
Quote of the day
In the primordial times of the Ancient Ones, when the pyramids of Egypt were constructed, when the Temple of Doom's various spiked walls and mousetraps and poisoned darts and awkwardly placed sharp-edged coffee tables were loaded and stretched taught and coated and positioned, when various sacred artifacts capable of bestowing godlike powers on human beings were sprinkled throughout the globe in a variety of secret caverns and a menagerie of giant bugs and reptilian monsters and hot women who cast spells or turn people into statues or potted plants were tasked to guard them, said Ancient Ones apparently spent all their free time concocting incredible devices and books and objects for which Mankind Was Not Ready.
You would think, after the third or fourth Object of Ultimate Power was locked away in the care of an immortal protector, it might have occurred to the Ancient Ones what a spectacularly bad idea it is to have so many really, really powerful and dangerous things lurking about. In the Movieverse, that realm in which movies take place, in which roadside bars employ more bouncers than they have patrons, in which jaded, don't-play-by-the-rules, unshaven cops are routinely partnered with wide-eyed rookies or robots or intelligent animals or Charlie Sheen, scarcely a weekend goes by when a small group of individuals does not preserve the world from being horribly destroyed when some ne'er-do-well gets his greasy mitts on one of these world-destroying old keys or pendants or spheres or staffs or something. It would seem, however, that much as groups of Movieverse teens select for their vacations year after year "that place where all those horny teenagers were disemboweled with pruning shears last year and the year before that," there is no talking sense to the people in charge of creating these paranormal knickknacks.
Posted by Russell Whitaker at April 25, 2003 12:08 PM | TrackBack